Archive | August 2014

Planting an Alien Crop

Planting an Alien CropBy, Nan Claire Falkner

“Professor, what is this gross stuff?”

“Well, it appears to be the contents from the inside of an egg that fell out of this tree.”

“Are we going to have it analyzed?” asked the intern.

“No, it looks too damaged. I have never seen anything like it. Perhaps we should just dig a hole and bury it.” The professor gave the shovel to the first year intern.

“But, what if it has seeds and grows?” the queasy intern asked.

“It won’t.”

From the top branch of the tree, the alien smiled at how easy it was to infiltrate this foreign planet.

This entry was posted on August 28, 2014. 50 Comments

Trash Hauling for the Not So Rich and Infamous

Trash Hauling
By, Nan Claire Falkner

Learning to drive a trash truck was not as easy as it looked.  After Billy Bob read the book, looked over the truck, and practiced with a plastic refuse tub, he thought he would cinch the test.  After paying his $10 fee he followed the officer out to the truck.

He hit an outhouse and three mailboxes on Old Wire Road and a dogs bowl. But, Martha (the license officer) said he would still pass.  Pulling into the parking lot, he hit some pallets full of flowers and ivy ready to be planted at her house.

Them’s my flowers. You Flunk!”

This entry was posted on August 20, 2014. 62 Comments

The D desk

The_D_deskBy, Nan Claire Falkner

Inside her husband’s desk, Jane searched for the paper that would prove she was Dirk’s widow. The in-laws were circling and had made verbal claims to his will, but she was the only legal heir.

Clark turned and looked at her as he entered the room. “What are you looking at dear sister?” he sneered.

“A letter.”

“Did you ever find your, hmmm, marriage certificate?”

She sat down and sighed, “Yes – and a letter addressed to Mrs. Dirk Duguerre containing the license.”

“Was the marriage consummated?”

“Clark, do go away.”

“Why, pray tell?” he seethed.

“I am with child.”

This entry was posted on August 13, 2014. 52 Comments

Don’t Always Believe Your Luck: Read the Fine Print!

Read the Fine Print
By, Nan Claire Falkner

Simon could barely contain himself: “I bought a twenty room mansion for a buck!” The only picture provided showed a patio by the pool with a palm tree. The topographical map showed many fences (he thought) surrounding the house. – It was so simple!

On the way to his new property, he reminded himself how lucky he was to be in the right place at the right time on the courthouse steps to buy a whole house!

His jaw dropped as he turned the corner and read the back of the the bill of sale: “Back taxes due now $28,906!”

Damn!”

He Was Wearing a Treasure Map Shirt

He Was Wearing a Treasure Map ShirtBy, Nan Claire Falkner

Ashley’s ears popped on descent and Keith smiled at her –“We’re almost home!”

Thirty minutes later, they pulled into their driveway. The kids, a 3 1/2 year old tow-head boy and 1 year old girl with an infectious smile and a fresh, lumpy surprise for the next changer of her diaper, ran toward their parents.

“Mommy – Daddy, I found treasure in the mud!”

Looking down, Keith took the offering from his son. It was a diamond.

My lost earring!” Ashley squealed.

Keith looked at Grandpa who was holding the garden hose which had made the Earthy concoction and laughed “Arrrrrrrrr!”