Archive | June 2014

Billy Goats Gruff

Billy Goats GruffBy, Nan Claire Falkner

Last year, the famous “Billy Goats Gruff” played to a sold-out audience in Nottingham Forrest for the annual Fourth of July Celebration. It wasn’t a pretty picture in Celeb Magazine, showing the carnage in the aftermath of the concert. Head Bangers from the Bunters Club drank too many shots of tequila. They, started taking off their hats and clothes, and then fights broke out. They got arrested for being disorderly and for public intoxication.

At the trial, the Troll Judge literally threw the book at them. “Chew on this a while, and maybe you’ll learn how to behave in public.”

For Sale by Owner

For Sale By OwnerBy, Nan Claire Falkner

“Beautiful fixer-upper! Rustic nature setting with three-leaf ivy wrapping all trees. Fixer-Upper, the perfect house for a true handyman!”

Furnished 2 bedrooms; Upgraded outhouse; Kitchen with sink and access to root cellar. Water source within walking distance. Central Heat provided by a wood burning pot belly stove! Eco friendly home – no electricity, so you won’t leave a carbon footprint here! Permanent ventilation from roof and you can go to bed staring at the stars. Has minor termite damage and Small Rodent Problem (needs a cat). Call Bubba.

Hurry up Ma, it’s got all the amenities! People racing to buy this!”

Tick Tock, Tick Tock

Tick TockCopyright-Ted Strutz

by Nan Claire Falkner

I was 11 years old, sitting in the dental office waiting for my last turn of torture. The clock shouted to me: “You’re next, you’re Next, YOU’RE NEXT!”

Dr. Nams had gone to school with my parents. She was an excellent dentist – with one exception: She didn’t use novocaine. White lightning, excruciating pain took over my body. Every tooth in my mouth had fillings. I had been at Dr. Nams’ office every Saturday for a year.

Before I left the office, she said “You get your braces next week!”

“Oh, three more years?” I whispered, tearing.

“We’ll see dear!”


If Only

If OnlyCopyright – Douglas M. MacIlroy

by Nan Claire Falkner

Bill had lived in Alaska for 12 years with the last 4 years alone. His wife Aya and their son had died in childbirth. Wow – his head was throbbing – “need more Advil.” He pushed away from the table, picked up the bottle, dosed himself 3 pills and went to bed.

“Honey, wake up, I’m in labor.” Aya kissed his back, and suddenly wide awake, he cradled her kissing her fervently. “We’re going to the hospital. I shudder to think what could happen!”

“While I’m there, I’ll get some blue paint.”

“But how do you know it’s a boy?” she said.