The Worst Smell In The World

By, Nan Claire Duggar Falkner

Once upon summertime, Mike went fishing with his friends to the mountains in the beautiful Colorado Rockies.  They went to a new spot to fish where they had never been before.  It was beautiful and picturesque just like a postcard.

Three days later, they had eaten all the food they brought, drank all the spirits they had brought and all of the beer! They had caught 28 really good trout.

Impressed with themselves, they scaled, cleaned and bagged fish.  Proud and happy, they took them home and placed the fish in our garage freezer.

It wasn’t plugged in.

 

 

(Authors note:  True story. We hired a company to take the fridge to the dump.  The title of this story IS accurate!)

 

SOCIAL DISTANCING IN STYLE

By, Nan Duggar Falkner

After months of quarantine, having gone through all the cool recipes from my mother,  I needed to go to the store.

In the sunroom, I moved some furniture and set two tables with my best china pink Fostoria glasses, and silverware and linen napkins we received as wedding gifts fifty years ago.  I was beaming!   The tables looked awesome.

I was proud of myself!

I decided to whip up a special dinner for my husband on Valentine’s Day.

He loved my one-hour rolls which really are delicious.  Opening the cupboard, I looked for ingredients.

Drat!  I had no yeast!

 

Mother Made My Dress

By, Nan Claire Falkner

“I’m never getting married!”  Millie screamed. “I HATE BOYS!   They think farting is a sport and laugh; they have burp contests to see who can belch the loudest, and play in the dirt and don’t wash your hands”.

Running toward her house, Millie turned, stamped her foot, and shouted “You Stink!”  She slammed the door.

Harold, the boy next door had laughed at her while she was trying to ride a bicycle.

Years later, she looked at the engagement ring on her finger and smiled.  Her mother had made her wedding dress.

Grinning, she said “Everything’s wonderful, I’m marrying Harold!”

 

This entry was posted on October 27, 2019. 14 Comments

Waiting in Line

By, Nan Claire Falkner

Every single time I go to the driver’s license department, I wait in a long line.  The Department of Motor Vehicles is so S L O W!  Last year, I stood in line while it rained on me the whole time.   I was freezing and miserable. Marvin, my neighbor was there.  He must have come straight from hunting.  This is the last time I’m waiting in line, I thought.   Next time I’ll pay attention to the mail-in renewal envelope.  I always say I won’t do this again, but I do.  Hey, they told me now I can pay on line!

 

This entry was posted on September 29, 2019. 8 Comments

I Can See Clearly Now

By, Nan Claire Falkner

Looking up and rubbing her eyes, Martha knew she was going to have to get some readers soon. She couldn’t read all the words and they squiggled back and forth. “Getting older is NOT for the old – we don’t cope very well with the changes. Yesterday I was young and vibrant and now I have wrinkled hands and a body to match. For a while, she was back in her youth reminiscing about the “Good Ole Days”. The silence was broken by a pint sized boy who said “Grandma, let’s go play!” She smiled. These are good ole days too!

 

This entry was posted on September 12, 2019. 38 Comments

Uphill Both Ways

By, Nan Claire Falkner

The kids pushed their Mom, Sheila, to Indian Mission Park.  It was their Mother’s favorite place to visit.  At one time, they had lived in luxury.  But a year ago, her husband, Ralph, left to retrieve his ‘Pot of Gold’ with a promise of returning.  Sheila had stayed behind and dealt with her husband’s losses on careless stock trades.  

 When the kids returned from the park, there was a limousine parked in front of the door. “Dad finally came through!” Junior said in amazement.  Sheila clapped.

 Ralph walked closer to her and said “Well, not exactly, Sheila.  I’m the chauffeur.”

 

This entry was posted on August 28, 2019. 54 Comments

FISH BAIT

By, Nan Claire Falkner

“I know it smells like fish bait Norma, but you get your food quick and they have the best seafood in the state!”

Norma hesitated, thought a moment and then said – “Okay”, crossing her arms while pouting in the car seat.

She really didn’t like fish, but her husband, Frank, wanted to go there and, after all, it was his birthday.

Ordering at the Oyster Bar, Frank ordered her Oysters Rockefeller.

“It may be your birthday, but I got the second best  present!”  Norma smiled spitting out a pearl.

“A pearl?” he said. “What’s the Best present?”

She whispered “You!”

 

This entry was posted on August 22, 2019. 43 Comments