Going Home

Going Home

By, Nan Claire Falkner

After demeaning and unfair reviews of her first acting role, Melinda gave up her dream of stardom and decided to go home. Oklahoma was far away but her mother had purchased her a round trip ticket when she flew to Los Angeles – just in case. A year and a half after waving bye to everyone, Melinda was so homesick, she could crawl home. Thank God for Mama, Melly had used the ticket for rent. She would hike home, lick her wounds, and make a plan of what to do next. Her dog, Cad (named after the acting coach) was following her.

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48 thoughts on “Going Home

  1. Dear Nan,

    First comma is not necessary and detracts from the rhythm of the sentence. In the second sentence it isn’t clear who used the round trip ticket and when. I know that’s a tough bit to get across in a few words but clarity there keeps the reader’s train of thought from further derailment. In the third sentence it is unclear who is homesick, since some might think that the mother had flown to LA. Using Melinda’s name instead of ‘she’ makes things clearer.

    The remainder of the story is pitch perfect, from voice to pacing and conclusion. Loved Cad and the origin of his name. Forgive me please if my first paragraph is too, well, too much. Just relating my thoughts as I read your words the first time through.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    • Dear Doug, Thanks for helping me with my story. I had put that first comment in when the story was worded differently, and you are correct – it shouldn’t have been there. Also, I changed “she” to Melinda to clear up. I appreciate your time! Thanks so much! Nan 🙂

  2. That’s quite a hike! Mother knew best – it’s a shame Melinda didn’t hold on to that ticket but, as many young inspiring actors surely are, she was convinced she would be an instant success.

    • Thanks for stopping by, Melinda over spent her savings and was going to get evicted if she didn’t pay the rent. She was probably too embarrassed to ask her mother for rent money. Oh well, she’ll figure out what to do with her life! Nan 🙂

  3. Giving up a dream, how sad. This can break a person. But Melinda seems strong and determined, her home to go back to is a good one, and she has Cad at her side. Great story.

  4. Great story!

    Poor soul, she needs a thicker skin to be in the public eye. The dog’s name is very amusing–at least she retained her sense of humor. Fortunately, she has her whole life still ahead of her. Ah, youth!

    I agree with Doug’s comment about the first comma–it needs to be removed. As to the purchase of the ticket, you can clarify by simply inserting the words “for her” after the word “ticket” in the first paragraph. These minor changes will tighten up the story and polish the writing, which is otherwise awesome!

  5. Sometimes, home’s the only place to be. As many people above have already said, so many young people follow a similar path – first leaving, then returning home. Melinda certainly had a good try at making it on her own, for which she deserves praise, I like the reason given for the dog’s name. A nice touch of humour there. 🙂

  6. I’m sad that she threw in the towel after her first bad review. But I know people who quit and come home even though they were successful. Being homesick is a powerful illness. I love Cad’s name. I hope she makes it home safely.

  7. She seems to have given up too easily. I suspect she’s very young. I feel sorry for Cad, used as a psychological garbage bin. I do know about homesickness though and it really is crippling, so I can identify with that. I hope her spirits are soon restored and Cad becomes Dac! 🙂

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