For Sale by Owner

For Sale By OwnerBy, Nan Claire Falkner

“Beautiful fixer-upper! Rustic nature setting with three-leaf ivy wrapping all trees. Fixer-Upper, the perfect house for a true handyman!”

Furnished 2 bedrooms; Upgraded outhouse; Kitchen with sink and access to root cellar. Water source within walking distance. Central Heat provided by a wood burning pot belly stove! Eco friendly home – no electricity, so you won’t leave a carbon footprint here! Permanent ventilation from roof and you can go to bed staring at the stars. Has minor termite damage and Small Rodent Problem (needs a cat). Call Bubba.

Hurry up Ma, it’s got all the amenities! People racing to buy this!”

50 thoughts on “For Sale by Owner

  1. Why are you LISTING our house. I didn’t know we were moving. It’s comfortable here. There ain’t no better house than the one we got. Besides, it’s paid for !! ….. (Great Post, Nan. I love it)

    • This is why I married you – your sense of humor! Now, we have had a small rodent problem in the house, several years ago, and there seems to be some new termites that are wanting to move in, but NO MIKE, we’re not selling the house! Nan 🙂

  2. Nan, That was hilarious. I laughed out loud. It began funny and got funnier as it went along. XD Your husband’s comment was great also. I especially loved the “upgraded outhouse.” Well written. 🙂 —Susan

    • Dear Draliman, No grass? That is a sneaky way to say it – ‘low maintenance garden’. You are funny and real estate and car salesmen are so funny how they can manipulate words to their advantage. Thanks for coming by! Nan 🙂

  3. I think I’ll call on you to write our listing if and when we decide to sell our remodeled 1970s, split-level home. You’ve done such a great job with this dilapidated dwelling, you could probably get us a cool million for ours. How’s a 6% commission sound? 😉

    • Dear Hugmamma, You got it – hey I’ll give you a genuine discount and only charge 5%. How’s that – you already saved $10,000 and we haven’t even looked at the house yet. Can I borrow on the money I saved you? ha ha You can’t lose with me as your agent! ha ha. Thanks for stopping by and I like split levels – they add variety to a house. Nan 🙂

    • Dear Amy, Thank you for reading my ad – I guess it really doesn’t qualify as a story because it is really just pretend stuff. I used to write newspapers for friends birthdays and the back page would always be full of ads – people even ask to place ads in it. Just a joke and no money, but it was fun! Thanks! Nan 🙂

    • Dear Perry – Well, it is a Nature Lovers Home Retreat so you really must love ‘NATURE!’ Hey, the less you feed a cat, the better mouser or rat catcher he becomes! The only problem with open ceilings, is the rain – but that’s what buckets are for and umbrellas! Thanks for coming! Nan 🙂

  4. lol! saw a house like that years ago when we were looking to buy and there the roof was missing and the floor boards needed fixing! You would not believe the price they were asking for that bit of ruin! Lovely post!

    • Dear Bastet, I’ve seen houses like this on a sale “As is” and I think you have to pay cash for something that hasn’t been fixed. It won’t pass inspection right now. Thanks for reading! Nan 🙂

  5. I think you should turn it into a time share. There are lots of city folks who would pay dearly to experience the joy of using an outhouse on a cold winter’s day.

    • Dear Dawn, Thank you so much. I had a murder mystery written and then I thought that the place could be a fixer-upper. Sticker shock is going to be their least problem! Have a good week! Nan 🙂

    • Dear Bjorn – that IS another good selling point. How silly of me to leave it out! I’ll be sure to put it into the next ad. The fence is a “rustic feature and picturesque” The smell of the bayou is just during the summer months – really! Thanks for the advice! Nan 🙂

    • Dear Rochelle, Hope you are enjoying your well-deserved vacation. I read all of them this week too, and you really have some talent in your motley crew! Thanks for stopping by! Nan 🙂

  6. It’s going to take so me one of stout heart to take on that place. I hope they can read between the lines. Very enjoyable read.

    • Why thank you Sarah Ann! While house hunting once, we ran into a similar situation, but didn’t buy it because of termite damage. I can tackle just about anything – except that. Thank you for reading my story, I appreciate it! Nan

  7. Nan, you do realize that you were writing about our Mountain Farmlet, now don’t you? Well, at least we have a new tin roof on the place… LOL! (Started as a log cabin in 1840)

  8. Good story. Like the way that your family see ‘s the home with their eyes and have such a positive impression of their future dwelling. Ann

  9. Dear Sis, Well, it sure is a fixer-upper! And, this is why it pays to watch HGTV (Home & Garden Television for those of you not in the states! Thanks again Ann, for reading my stories! Me, myself, and half of you! Nan 🙂

  10. Sorry Nan. I’ve been sick for awhile. Just doing my challenges and not reading. So, I’m catching up –you first. Golly, all the amenities. I’ll rush right down. I hope I’m not too late. Good one. Lucy

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