Being a Tree Hugger While Drunk

Nature MagazineCopyright-John Nixon

By, Nan Claire Falkner

“How did these trees get so twisted?” asked Melinda, reporter for NATURE magazine.

Mother Nature danced and drank all night at the Ball of the Gods last March.” Babs whispered, in a smelly corner booth.

“Well, as it turned out.” Babs slurred, “Mudder (snort snort) went over to Leo’s to have a nightcap,” Babs looked around and took another gulp of her Vodka Martini, “and one thing led to another (snort, hiccup, snort). She didn’t come home ‘till the next day – which was the annual SPRING SOLSTACE PLANTING DAY.”

“OH! Oh.” Melinda said just as Lightning exploded Babs’ house.

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81 thoughts on “Being a Tree Hugger While Drunk

    • Years ago, Mother Nature got a gig in commercials (don’t remember what she was selling) but I do remember her raising her hands at the end and saying “It’s not nice to fool Mother Nature and I always thought that was so funny – she looked like a drinker too. I myself, like Vodka, it’s my spirits of choice. Thanks for reading Sandra – I LOVE your writing! Nan 🙂


      • It was Chiffon Margarine. My head went to the same place, Nan. Really well done story. Made me smile. Sorry to dovetail off Sandra’s comment but I couldn’t resist.

        Shalom,

        Rochelle

  1. Wow, where did THAT come from, Nan??? 🙂 I’m still shaking my head, but well away from any trees. Reminds me in a small way of how when it starts raining hard when we’re out riding in the mountains, we seek shelter under a thick pine because it keeps off most of the rain. However, being under a tree in a storm maybe isn’t the best way to go, even if there are thousands of other trees to draw a possible lightning strike. 🙂

    janet

    • Dear Janet, I have a wacky brain I think. Anyway, I wrote 3 stories and this is the one that won. It’s funny, because I’m old, I remember Mother Nature in commercials 20 or so years ago and she looked like a Drinker. Oh well – to each their own. I like Vodka too (with lime, of course). Nan 🙂

      P.S. – This is a duplicate reply since I failed to click the proper “REPLY” button. Sorry, Nan

  2. Dear Janet, I have a wacky brain I think. Anyway, I wrote 3 stories and this is the one that won. It’s funny, because I’m old, I remember Mother Nature in commercials 20 or so years ago and she looked like a Drinker. Oh well – to each their own. I like Vodka too (with lime, of course). Nan 🙂

    • Thanks Bjorn – you are too kind. Mother Nature is a little vindictive and a little bossy too! But, SHE HAS EVERY RIGHT TO BE! (maybe that will appease her)! Have a good week Nan 🙂

    • Thanks JackieP, I know a lot more on her, but it’s starting to storm here so I’ll wait until a sunny day. She drinks,hold grudges, and is a gossip. Well, she doesn’t visit me monthly anymore and I’m certainly glad about that. She could be a real pain in the stomach sometimes! Glad you visited Jackie, Nan 🙂

    • I really don’t trust them anyway. They tell the weatherman it’ll be cold, and the next thing you’re doing is getting the air conditioner fixed in your car. Thanks for stopping by David! Nan 🙂

  3. Mother Nature being drunk has been a logical conclusion as to the reason the weather in Kentucky has constant mood swings lol, definitely enjoyed reading this post. Quite a creative take on the prompt Nan 🙂

    • Thanks Camgal, I have a warped sense of humor anyway. This winter has been horrible – we’re in Kansas and thank goodness we didn’t sell our snow blower last year! We really hadn’t used it in several years so this year it got a huge workout. Thanks for reading my story! Nan 🙂

  4. Nan, Things get twisted everywhere you look. How you were able to write such a electrifying short
    story is amazing. Thanks, Melinda

  5. Nan,
    I particularly like Babs’ voice in this. She’s a convincing drunk, and her tall tale is wonderful.

    I tripped up a little with “Lighting exploded Babs’ house.” I think you mean “lightning,” and I’m not sure what you mean by “exploded.” Are you indicating that the house is struck by lightning? It seems that Mother Nature isn’t particularly thrilled by the drunken gossip. That part comes through, and I like the notion.

    All my best,
    Marie Gail

    • Thanks Marie Gail! I read the story and several other people did – I can’t believe I missed lightning! So sorry! I’m going to have to ask my husband how to correct this as I’m not very good at computers. But, as for your question – houses DO explode sometimes when hit my lightning. It’s not nice to mess with her! Thanks for reading! Nan 🙂

      • Thanks again Marie Gail – I think I fixed it but I really appreciate you bringing this to my attention. I edit other people’s papers sometimes, so I’m a nitwit for missing that. 🙂 Nan

      • Nan, I used to be a proofreader at a fairly large publishing company, so I know firsthand how a typo can go unnoticed. 🙂 I was mortified one time when an ARTIST caught a misspelling I had read over on a headline set in 72-point type.

        As to Mother Nature–I’m not planning on messing with her any time to soon. I’d prefer my home not explode. 🙂

        All my best,
        MG

    • Great comment – Thanks! I thought it was funny that lightning struck him nearby. I was in a car going to pick up boys at football practice once and lightning struck the telephone pole next to the car – my hair was standing straight up (I’m not kidding) and my hairs on my arm. This scared me to death. Thanks for stopping by. Nan 🙂

    • Thank you Amy. I have a very warped sense of humor and I have seen trees like this before and thought they looked like they had been dancing and somebody stopped the music (sort of like musical chairs). Anyway, glad you came to visit! Nan 😉

  6. Craziness!
    Not only does Mother Nature enjoy a tipple, she’s got a bit of a temper on her too. I wonder what else she crafted in the world while a little the worse for wear!

    • Thanks for stopping by Drailman – really appreciate your comments. Mother or Mudder Nature is a handful – that’s why every spring we have so many storms and thunder. Of course when she really gets worked up, she sends lightning to show us who is boss. I think this is posted twice – I’m not worthy to have a computer – Woe is me! Thanks, Nan 🙂

  7. Thanks for stopping by Drailman – really appreciate your comments. Mother or Mudder Nature is a handful – that’s why every spring we have so many storms and thunder. Of course when she really gets worked up, she sends lightning to show us who is boss. Thanks, Nan 🙂

  8. Pretty good story there, Nan! I caught it immediately. “If you think it’s butter, but it’s not …” 😀
    I like the idea of the trees getting twisted because Mother N. was soused to the gills. Good concept.

    • Thank you so much – I remember that commercial all those years ago but I always thought she would be funny drunk (maybe on a Carol Burnett skit). Anyway, thanks for stopping by and reading my stuff – I really appreciate it and love your story too! Thanks, Nan 🙂

  9. what a great story, Nan! so that was the problem with the twisted trees…too much drinking and dancing. i see we both had Vodka on the brain too.. 😛 cheers!

    • Thanks sun, I too love Vodka! with lime, or lemon, or I REALLY love bloody Mary’s too. I think it’s one of the original food groups from the food pyramid – I could be wrong, but I don’t think I am. Thanks for stopping by! Nan 🙂

    • I know, people just can’t take a joke anymore but Mudder has a problem. I think there is going to be an intervention soon. Well, Thanks for stopping by! Nan 🙂

    • Thanks to my wonderful sister-in-law who lives in a beautiful house in Colorado with a babbling brook and a bridge. (I’m jealous) Thanks for stopping by and reading my stuff! Love you! Nan 🙂

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